Getting Comfortable in New Skin
2024 in review.
Thanks to my son’s January 1 birthday, I come to the end of 2024 reflecting on a full year in my life and the first year of his. Down the road, perhaps it will be easier to separate our respective years, but in 2024, they were intertwined on so many levels. Directly or indirectly, he is the reason my reflections center on one main theme: How I’ve never been more aware of my body.
Don’t fear: I’m not going point-by-point through the birth experience and I’ll spare you a deep dive into the pelvic floor physical therapy that followed. It honestly feels a little weird to talk so openly about my physical being, but it’s impossible for me to process the last year without bringing it up. The past twelve months have taught me countless lessons in embracing how my body is different after having a baby, surrendering to its limits, and nurturing myself through the changes.
It goes beyond an appreciation for all the work my body did to grow and birth a child, though that is how the year literally began; we watched Times Square ball drop on TV in the hospital delivery room and I was pushing two hours later. I also want to acknowledge everything that happened after Luc entered the world, like all the hours I spent nursing and pumping, and toting the necessary accessories on planes, trains, and automobiles.1
I’ve also been reflecting on what my body didn’t do as much this year, which is sleep. But not totally because of my baby. Luc is generally a great sleeper, and in the months before he started sleeping through the night, Timmy sacrificed big time and took the graveyard shift so I could get some uninterrupted rest. (I’d wake up at 5am to pump and then try to catch another hour of sleep before Luc woke up again.)
I don’t know for sure why my normally reliable sleep patterns went haywire this year, but I think hormones have a big role to play — along with a rough couple of months where I was trying to wean off of Unisom, which I’d been taking to help with pregnancy nausea. Sleep is a battle my body will carry into 2025, but things are better, especially after a friend recommended I take magnesium before bed.
Harder to articulate is just how different I feel in my own skin a year after giving birth. I mean this in a mostly superficial sense, in terms of clothes. Things I used to love wearing now just feel…wrong? I do wonder how much of this is rooted in my very real physical changes, and how much is an existential shift in my perspective of who I am. I think it’s also a big reason why, as I’ve written recently, I’ve been interested in reading about the concept of personal style and have a new commitment to honing my own.2
As for 2025, my one goal for my body is to exercise more. Not because I’m trying to exercise my way back into my pre-baby self, but because I can tell my body is restless, and I think working out will help me sleep better.
My initial goal for a year-end post was to go through 24 little highlights from 2024, like favorite meals, books, and experiences. Lol. I made it 1/8th of the way there:
Bánh by Lauren, the Vietnamese-French bakery pop-up Timmy and I have loved for a couple of years, finally opened a brick-and-mortar location in Chinatown. The space is gorgeous and the treats remain unparalleled. (Don’t take my word for it: Last week, they were included in the Times’ list of the country’s best bakeries.) We ordered one of her special holiday bánh boxes for New Year’s Eve pick-up, to celebrate a year of surviving parenthood, and I’m already dreaming of my pandan coconut chiffon cake slice.
I continued embracing my relatively new interest in ballet and saw a few New York City Ballet performances. I’ve loved becoming more familiar with the NYCB company and their repertoire, though I still don’t really know what to say about the ballets I see beyond: the dancing, costumes, and music were pretty! My favorite from this year was “Concerto DSCH,” choreographed by Alexei Ratmansky. Runner-up: Seeing George Balanchine’s “Rubies” a second time.
My favorite books I read this year were The Girls’ Guide to Hunting and Fishing by Melissa Bank (credit to Miranda for the recommendation) and Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman. Girls’ Guide is a collection of short stories about one protagonist, following her from childhood in Pennsylvania to adulthood in New York. Miranda told me it reminded her of Fleabag, which I 100% agree with. The stories are funny, warm, and heartbreaking. As for Bringing Up Bébé, I am not suggesting it is parenting gospel, but for me, it helped plant the seeds of some useful philosophy. Above all, Druckerman is an engaging writer. Girls’ Guide and Bébé share a Nora Ephron-esque sensibility — probably why I liked them both so much.
Thanks for reading. I wrote inconsistently (to say the least) this year, but I am deeply grateful to everyone who has read and engaged.
I would love to know what animated 2024 for you, and/or what you’re thinking about as we head into 2025.
One of my 2024 heroes was the Airbnb host in Toronto who let me pump in her house when Timmy and I arrived before it was time to check into her family’s basement apartment. It wasn’t just the special accommodation that moved me. She also told me she remembered how boring pumping could be and left out a copy of Vogue’s September issue to keep me entertained.
I am not implying pregnancy/parenting is the only life event that can lead to such a shift. I can point to other moments in life where I’ve felt something similar, albeit on a smaller scale.